


so simple in the moonlight

by caesar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Comfort Sex, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Touching, mentions of Eren - Freeform, rivamika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 18:29:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19011436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesar/pseuds/caesar
Summary: Mikasa remembers her previous life but doesn't find anyone else, until one day she stumbles upon Levi. They connect over their shared pain, finding refuge in one another when they realize they're not alone.





	so simple in the moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> i was in my thoughts and needed to get out my rivamika feels.
> 
> suggested soundtrack: [lua - bright eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSBs-hiapo4)

 

 _what is simple in the moonlight_  
_by the morning never is_

 

* * *

 

 

She remembers at the same age that she awoke her inner strength.

 

She’s running around outside, her bare feet hitting the ground with soft thumps. Storm clouds roll in above, the sky darkening ominously at an abnormal rate. She laughs as she runs to the family dog, the innocence of her childhood ringing in the sound of her laughter. Her dog, a golden retriever twice her size, barks at her with sudden alarm before running from her urgently. She struggles to catch up as she takes off again, kicking up loose dirt with the balls of her feet.

 

Then it happens.

 

Time slows down as the sky lights up orange, a bolt of lightning illuminating the dark clouds like the sun. She doesn’t hear the crack of lightning, instead feeling it rattle her bones and through her core. Her footing is amiss and she stumbles, falling down to the ground in a mess of tears and horror as a lifetime of memories wash over her. The dog rushes back to her, licking her cheek worriedly as she lays on the ground and stares at nothing, her vision unfocused as she recalls names she’s never heard and smells the blood of monsters she’s killed.

 

“Mikasa!”

 

Something shifts in her heart as it sinks.

 

“Mikasa!” Her mother calls out to her before bolting outside, picking up the young girl and bringing her into the house frantically.

 

Mikasa didn’t realize she was drenched from the rain until she shivers on the kitchen counter, her mother wrapping a towel around her small shoulders. Her mother is speaking to her, but she’s not answering; this isn’t her mother or Carla, but a new mother. She’s lost in a daze until she hears her name again.

 

“Mikasa.”

 

She focuses on her mother before her, who’s amber eyes are round with concern and dark hair is wet, stuck to her forehead. Mikasa remembers where she is and who she is.

 

“Mama?” her voice is hoarse as if she’s been screaming.

 

Her mother lets out a cry of relief and holds Mikasa tightly.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t find anyone else in this lifetime.

 

Throughout her teen years she learns to stop talking about these memories, this other hellish world that haunts her. Her mom is relieved when she stops talking about it, but she’s still worried when Mikasa is kept awake at night by ghosts they can’t see. Therapists pretend to understand, chalking it up to trauma that she’s repressed, or psychosis, or a number of other answers that Mikasa knows isn’t correct.

 

College is an escape. Her aptitude for excellency has carried into this life, so she lands a scholarship for a prestigious school in another state studying graphic design. She’s fortunate enough to get a roommate in her dorm who doesn’t mind her staying up late hours or the nights she wakes up shouting and crying. Her roommate, Ava, is patient and teaches her how to cope with her panic attacks. She listens when Mikasa opens up about her nightmares—Mikasa never says they’re memories, only dreams.

 

Mikasa makes it to her senior year of college in one piece, now living in a small apartment just barely off campus with Ava. She works a part time job in a book store where she can hide among countless stories instead of dwelling in her own. She stays at the apartment over winter holiday instead of going home, much to her mother’s disappointment—“I have to work,” she tells her over the phone. “I’ll be home after graduation.” It’s not untrue; it just hurts too much to be at her mother’s home.

 

She drops Ava off at the airport a week before Christmas, walking her to the terminal so she can help carry bags.

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright here? I feel bad leaving you alone for Christmas,” her friend asks again for the twelfth time. Ava's green eyes shimmer in the right lighting, reminding Mikasa of Eren.

 

Mikasa gives her a warm smile as she tries to forget for a moment. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got extra hours at work to keep me busy.”

 

Ava rolls her eyes as she takes a duffel bag from Mikasa. “You work too much. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, okay?”

 

“Promise,” Mikasa nods. Ava smiles and pulls her in for a hug, holding her in place for a moment. Mikasa’s chest tightens at her friend’s concern, and she breaks the embrace. “Let me know when you land.”

 

“Will do!” Ava gathers her luggage and heads off, leaving Mikasa to wave as she disappears out of sight into the terminal.

 

Mikasa heaves a sigh once Ava can’t see her. She doesn’t want to be alone, but she can’t hold her friend back.

 

She turns and begins to head back through the airport, autopilot guiding her feet as she becomes lost in thought. Ava's smile, her eyes, her dark brown hair all reminds her of Eren, who she’s never found in this life. She’s never found anyone, and it makes her feel painfully alone. Her stomach knots uncomfortably when she thinks about it. Distracted with her array of memories, she isn’t fully watching where she goes, and she runs straight into a man who drops a briefcase and a folder of papers that scatter.

 

“Fuck!”

 

Embarrassed, Mikasa scrambles to gather the papers together. “I’m so sorry!” she exclaims, her face burning as she tries to fix the mess she caused.

 

The man hurriedly grabs his bag and folder, hand poised to snatch what Mikasa has gathered in hers. “Watch where...” his voice is initially full of irritation, trailing off suddenly. She raises her gaze as she braces to be chewed out for her clumsiness, and her heart begins to pound within her chest as she locks eyes with the stranger. “...you’re going,” he finishes dumbly.

 

His silver eyes bore into hers, his inky black hair framing the angular features of his face in that same fucking haircut he’s always kept. She wants to hand him his papers, but then she wouldn’t have a way to ensure he’ll respond to what she says next.

 

“Captain Levi?”

 

He blinks, his expression shifting into a grimace at the title. She flushes all over again at the slip. “Sorry,” she mumbles.

 

“It’s okay, Mikasa.” Levi diverts his eyes. She holds out the papers awkwardly, which he accepts in the same manner. They silently get to their feet, other travelers bustling around them. They just stare at one another before he speaks up again. “Are you doing well?”

 

“I suppose,” she answers uneasily, shifting from one foot to another. “Are you arriving into the city, or leaving?”

 

“Arriving.” He glances at his watch, and she notes how impeccable his suit is. Typical. “I need to call a cab.”

 

“I can drive you,” she offers promptly. He cocks an eyebrow slightly before nodding curtly, seeming as unsure of himself as she feels.

 

The car ride is quiet aside from small comments about Mikasa’s choice of music. She’s surprised by their shared interest of artists, and she manages to pull a small smile from him when she plays one of his favorites. When they arrive at his house, they fall silent with Iron & Wine playing on her car radio. He grips his knees nervously before asking her, “Do you want to come in for tea?

 

Mikasa relaxes her shoulders as she nods. “I’d like that.”

 

His house is sparsely decorated. The colors are fairly neutral, the walls hold art instead of photos of friends and family, and it’s strikingly obvious this is all a house and not a home. She has to hold in a sigh, her chest tightening with painful understanding.

 

Levi shrugs off his suit jacket and puts it over the back of an armchair in the living room as she sits on the loveseat. He rolls up the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows, and she can see his forearms are free of the countless scars held in their other life. “I’ll put the water on,” he tells her before disappearing into the kitchen. She looks at her phone idly as she waits, her mind wandering as she contemplates her situation. Tea with Levi is familiar—he would brew a pot, they would sit among their comrades’ conversation, quietly sipping from their cups. Tea with Levi alone in his house is foreign, and it makes her heart race.

 

Mikasa sighs, running her hand through her hair that reaches her chin. She cut the long tresses when she got sick of looking too much like her former self. She isn’t surprised that Levi kept the same look as before—he’s never been one for change.

 

When he sets a cup of tea on the coffee table in front of her, she jumps slightly, startled. “Tea’s ready,” he states pedantically. Mikasa glares weakly at him, which he ignores as he sits beside her. She takes the small cup in her hands, holding it delicately as she takes a deep breath.

 

Floral. She can’t help but grin as she realizes he’s taken to the same kind of tea, her amusement growing as she watches him hold his cup by the rim.

 

Levi notices her observation. “What?” he asks sharply.

 

“It’s just funny how you have the same habits,” Mikasa smirks.

 

“So do you,” he fires back as she sips her tea. When she looks at him questioningly, he explains, “You shrink into yourself when you’re relaxed. You hold the cup with both hands like you’re afraid to drop it. And you sniff your drink before your first sip.” He lists off the facts like he’s seen her yesterday, leaving her staring wide-eyed.

 

“How—how do you—?” the question falls short from her lips.

 

He crosses a leg as he leans back into the corner of the loveseat. “When you remember a lifetime that isn’t yours, you comb through every small detail to find something that will tell you if it’s real or not.”

 

She tastes honey in the tea. As much as he secretly loved honey before, he didn’t like to use it because it was expensive. She realizes that she remembers these small things because she’s done the same.

 

“How much do you remember?” he finally asks. Her shoulders slump at the question.

 

“Everything,” she says quietly. She doesn’t need to ask to know that he does, too.

 

They drink their tea in a new silence, the tension gone between them. She feels self-conscious when he looks her over, and while she was under his scrutiny before for being his successor of sorts, now she feels silly for worrying about his approval. Her body is fuller, her womanly curves more noticeable now that she has a healthy diet in his life, and she isn’t nearly as fit since she isn’t worried about being killed every other week.

 

Levi is the first to speak again. “I like your hair.”

 

She hides her smile behind the rim of the cup. His eyes gleam knowingly, but he doesn’t comment further.

 

* * *

 

They exchange numbers.

 

That night, she asks in a text, _Is your birthday still the 25th?_

 

_Unfortunately._

 

Mikasa chuckles as she reads his response. Her thumbs quickly type out a reply, her biting her lip as she hits send. _That’s easy to remember._ She hesitates before she sends another message, her stomach flipping anxiously. _Will I see you again?_

 

His answer is almost instant, as if he’s staring at the message bubble as it pops up on his phone too. Unbeknownst to her, he is.

 

_I’m free tomorrow night._

 

Mikasa buries her face in her pillow to try and hide her excitement from herself.

 

* * *

 

She doesn’t know why she’s so eager to see him. He’s just as blunt and crude as he was in their other life, his demeanor just as odd and his habits more quirky in this modern context. Yet, she can’t seem to shake her nerves as she drives over to his house. She wouldn’t have ever anticipated being interested in seeing him simply because she _wanted_ to.

 

She wonders if it’s because for the first time in her life, she can truly be herself around someone who understands.

 

Levi answers the door in dress pants and a button up, clearly having worked for the day. He opens the door wordlessly for her, his gray eyes fixated on her flushed cheeks from the brisk winter air. She finds her spot on the sofa, quick to make herself comfortable while he makes tea.

 

This becomes routine: every night for that week, she comes over for tea, and they talk until the pot is empty. She learns that he works in a publishing company, he’s allergic to cats, he likes to cook, and he’s close with his mother who lives on the other side of the country. She shares that her dad passed away when she was a young child, she grew up as a dancer up until college, she has an insatiable sweet tooth, and she always carries a book. She finds it easy to open up to Levi, which surprises her—he’s talkative, much like he was before, but now he talks about everything and nothing with ease. Saying goodbye each night is difficult only because she feels like she’s sane around him, only to head back to a lie she’s built when she leaves.

 

The night before his birthday, a storm builds outside.

 

Mikasa is tense because thunderstorms make her anxious, usually bringing the worst nightmares when she finally crashes at night. Levi seems just as on edge, his gaze never fully meeting her own. They follow their normal motions as he makes tea while she settles in, curling into herself as she hears rain begin to beat down on the windows. She closes her eyes as she breathes deeply, willing her frayed nerves to ease. She hears him approach with quiet footsteps, setting the tea down on the table with a careful _clink_.

 

“I made chamomile,” Levi tells her. The seat beside her sinks as he sits. “It seems like we both need it.”

 

His comment makes her open her eyes, and he’s already looking at her when she meets his gaze. His expression is stony, but the gray in his eyes mirror the storm outside. “Did you remember with lightning?”

 

“Orange,” he confirms. “Like a shifter was there.”

 

Mikasa reaches out to pick up the cup, flinching violently when a bolt of lightning cracks outside, followed by a roar of thunder. She squeezes her eyes shut, missing the way Levi looks at her with fear in his own eyes as he witnesses her mentally retreat within herself.

 

She tries to remember what Ava's taught her about grounding herself.

 

_I’m Mikasa Ackerman. I’m 22 years old. I study graphic design. It’s 2019. I’m safe._

 

She repeats the last sentence to herself, muttering under her breath without realizing it.

 

_I am safe. I am safe. I am safe._

 

Her heart jumps into her throat when a hand gently touches her wrist, her other wrist in his grasp. She doesn’t open her eyes, focusing on her mantra, but becoming distracted by Levi’s fingertips on her pulse. His calluses aren’t there, telling of the starkly different life he leads now. His thumbs rub small circles in her skin and she evens out her breathing to match the pace.

 

_I am safe._

 

 _I’m alive._ _And so is Levi._

 

“You’re safe,” he whispers.

 

Her eyes shoot open, and when she blinks, tears fall down her cheeks. His dark eyes show an exhaustion that she knows is carried over from another lifetime, the weight of lives lost still heavy on his shoulders. His eyes roam over her face, lingering over her cheek. She moves to adjust her hair to hide it out of instinct, always hiding the scar that was evidence of when Eren tried to hurt her in a titan rage, even if that scar isn’t there now. Levi beats her to it, moving a hand to cradle her cheek, his thumb running over the spot where the scar would be.

 

“I want to stay,” Mikasa confides.

 

“Then stay.” Levi’s gaze shifts between her eyes and her lips as he threads his hand through her hair, leaning in closer. She notices how long his eyelashes are before her eyes flutter shut, her lips meeting his in a tender kiss.

 

She only imagined kissing Levi once before. Someone in the barracks was talking about it, someone who said it would be all rough and fight and brutal because that’s what Levi showed himself to be. He was Humanity’s Strongest Soldier—surely he must be the same in bed, it was rumored. She had thought to herself that she could handle him, that she would dominate him in that domain if she can’t do so on the field.

 

And yet, on his couch in an entirely new life, it’s the opposite of what she expects.

 

Levi’s touches are light, treating her like she’ll break if he’s too careless. His hands are on her cheek, in her hair, wandering up her arm to the nape of her neck, moving at some point to her thighs and her waist. There’s need in the way he squeezes her, desire making him starve for her. When they break apart to breathe, he’s the first to dive back in, desperation keeping him fervent. Her cardigan becomes discarded, and she haphazardly undoes his button-up shirt. The only aspect that doesn’t surprise her is that his lips are chapped and that he’s managed to keep in amazing shape.

 

“Why?” she asks incredulously.

 

“Why what?” he clarifies, worry filling his face.

 

Mikasa looks at him in exasperation as she runs her hands over the defined muscles of his abdomen.

 

He looks sheepish, focusing on her neck as he avoids her gaze. “I feel like a stranger if I can’t recognize myself,” he confesses.

 

She feels guilty for asking, but she understands. So she kisses him again, encouraging him to get lost in her the way she is in him. He clings to her, petrified if he lets her go that the storm will never end.

 

Levi lays her on the floor, removing her clothes as quickly as he discards his own. With her laid out beneath him, he pauses to look over her, asking himself, “How are you real?”

 

Mikasa pulls him in for another kiss, reminding him silently that she is indeed real, and she’s here with him.

 

They move in tandem, not needing words as they’re bare before each other. He finds himself inside her easily, enveloped in her warmth. He groans with pleasure, and she wills herself to keep her eyes open so she can savor this moment with him. Thunder booms outside, and while they both tense up, they tighten their hold on one another simultaneously. Bare skin against skin encourages them, and Levi begins to move first.

 

She moans his name softly, her breath hot on his ear as he fingernails scrape his shoulder blades. His knees drag on the carpet with each thrust but all he feels is her, his face buried in the crook of her shoulder. Her hair tickles his cheek, her heels hit the small of his back as he moves inside her, and he feels like he could stay here with her for an eternity.

 

When he finishes, he cries out her name.

 

The rain stops.

 

* * *

 

He wakes up next to her in his bed.

 

Her hair is messy, splayed around her head on the pillow. There’s faint shadows under her eyes that Levi knows all too well come from nightmares that are too real and too vivid to ever escape. On her right cheek where her scar once was, there’s freckles in it’s place. They didn’t dress before bed, so she’s topless, the sheets hanging just under her shoulders. He smiles to himself when he notices her tan line on her neck from what must have been a bathing suit.

 

Mikasa stirs, making a small noise as she stretches. When she opens her eyes, they’re blurry and unfocused from sleep when they fall on him. She yawns, not bothering to cover her mouth. She inches closer to him, pulling him toward her by his waist as she wraps a slender arm over him.

 

“Happy birthday,” she murmurs.

 

He hums in acknowledgement, adjusting an arm to put around her so she can lay her head on his chest. Listening to the sound of his heartbeat, she falls into the first peaceful sleep she’s had since that first storm.

 

Even if it’s just for the moment, she's able to forget everything else, focusing on this morning with Levi.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> much love


End file.
